


Implode

by MagneticSwan



Category: Degrassi
Genre: But Tristan kinda isn't broken at the same time, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Face-Fucking, He's actually getting better which explains why he is different also, Loss of Trust, M/M, Miles isn't hurting as badly, Older Man/Younger Man, Omg it's complicated just read it, Past Relationship(s), Please Don't Kill Me, Semi-Emotionless, Teacher-Student Relationship, Threats of Violence, You'll see when you read omg, i had to add that in omg, seriously do not come after me if this doesn't end in your favor omg, yes i named this from a song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 01:05:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2794154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagneticSwan/pseuds/MagneticSwan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's over. They have broken up and Tristan's reaction is anything but the favorite route of a pint of ice cream and movies. When he walks into school the next day dawned in new hair and a new style and sees Miles and Maya looking friendly and standing by his locker to talk to him, even after everything, he doesn't even spare a second glance. Because nothing hurts anymore. As Maya and Miles say hi to him, with their expectation of him to lash out, they are surprised to see him smile and send a hi back. As the days go by the circle of people who he knows begin to notice something is off. But Tristan won't say a thing to anyone but Hunter and Frankie. And as time goes on even more, the one person Tristan thought he'd never see again is back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Day Is A New You

**Author's Note:**

> So.. Hey gurl/guy hey~ I got the idea for this by seeing Tristan's face in "Hush" and I honestly wanted him to just walk out. Even though that's horrible because of Miles' own pain but I just didn't want him to stand there and take it like that. No matter how much he cares about Miles. So, here I focus on this new fic as I neglect my other one. But I really wanted this one and I am GOING to complete this fic as well. Even if it takes a while. I got the title of this from one of my FAVORITE singers EVER. Her name is BoA. She's also my profile pic on her. Y'all should check her out and I'll leave the link to the song at the end notes. Y'all better check the Queen out. xD So enjoy~

          "Are you really that desperate for someone to love you?" 

 

          Miles was fuming, that much Tristan knew. It was so eerily silent after he spoke. Tristan blinked quickly to rid his eyes of the water that began to well inside. Winston cleared his throat and attempted to speak but all that came out where small stutters. Frankie and Hunter shifted uneasily. Frankie glanced over at Tristan at just the right moment to see his face change from shock and pain and into a blank, stoic look. She gasped softly when Tristan finally spoke for his voice turned void. Empty.  
          "That's not- Forget it. Never again." The quiet in the classroom only got worse, almost to the point where if you listened close enough, you would have heard both Miles's and Tristan's hearts shatter as the latter walked right out of the room. This time it was Hunter to see his face do a complete 360 in less than two seconds as the tall blonde swept past. Even after his exit nobody dared to speak. The air in the room becoming thicker and thicker with each passing moment as the foursome were on baited breath. Frankie gobbled up the courage to break the silence. "Well, that didn't go well." She gave a slight grimace and leaned on Winston who looked like he had seen a ghost.  
          "Shut it, Frankie." Miles spoke with venom.  
          "Why? Because it's true?!" She barked back. Hunter left soon after, not wanting to hear their possible argument. As he was getting out of ear range he heard caught on to the last words he could from his siblings.   
          "Shouldn't you go after Tristan?"  
          "No." 

          Hunter shook his head as he walked down the hallway. If his brother wasn't going to cooperate then why should he? Just as his thoughts went on he heard a slam of the lockers. Jolting his head up in surprise, he saw Tristan pulling putting books in his bag he got from the locker before shutting it. Just as Hunter reached him he heard his sister shout out as his brother whirled past him, glancing at Tristan before taking off out the doors and to his car. Tristan slung his bag over his shoulder and began walking outside as well. He pushed through the doors as Hunter and Frankie came after him. Hunter grabbed at his arm.   
          "Man, where do you think you're going?" He said as he spun him around. Tristan clicked his tongue and gave the twins a 'so not time for this look' as he spoke.  
          "Home, duh. Not feeling up to being here at the moment." His eyes traveled to the car park as the sound of Miles's car was heard revving. Frankie put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "Tristan, don't skip out just because of him."   
          Just as Tristan was going to respond, a collective gasp and the sound of clatter rang out. Looking over he saw Miles get out of his car and see him help someone up. Someone with a blue helmet on, glasses, and blonde hair.  _Great, just great._ Tristan thought as he looked at the two who seemed to be in their own world. Just when he had enough he saw the worst. Miles and Maya got into the car together and drove off. Tristan looked back at the twins who held unreadable expressions.   
          "Okay, now I definitely need to go home. I'll see you guys tomorrow?" He gave a wave and took off. He didn't even bother to wait for the next bus. He wanted to walk and be alone for now. Enjoy the solitude and just forget. 

**

 

          As he finally made the long trek home his words rang through his head continuously. 

            _Forget it._

_Never Again._

_Forget it._

_Never Again._

 

         Over and over and over again they rang. Each time the repeated it felt like an attack on his mind.  _Why in the hell did I say that?_ Tristan thought as he entered his home. His parents weren't home and he'd be surprised if they even showed up after their work shifts. Their arguing had gotten so bad they just up and left the house at times. They couldn't bear to be around each other but didn't they see how it was affecting him?! Tristan shuffled off his bag and tossed it into the living room before going to the kitchen and getting a bottle of water and two aspirin for his headache cause by the perpetuating words that never stopped. He climbed the stairs to his room and shrugged out of his clothes and into something more comfortable before curling under his blankets.  
          "Never again. Like after Grant I said never again." He spoke into nothing. _Never again would I fall so easily._ Admittedly, he fell for Miles quickly back in Paris but they had built up a friendship. And when the started getting closer as the days went by, it was a surprise and more when they kissed for real during that storm. As Tristan woke next morning is when he realized he had truly fallen. Not in a desperate rush. It was actuality. Pure. But Miles didn't see it that way. So why bother feeling hurt over it? This is when Tristan had a sudden idea. He was going to change. Not just his outer self. But inner as well. He glanced over the bedside table to check the clock and lucky him he had woken up a good five hours before school would even begin. In a rush he ran into the bathroom and grabbed his collection of hair dye and went to work.

*

          Four hours later Tristan stepped up to the mirror in the downstairs living room. His parents didn't come home at all. Surprise, surprise. He noted himself from head to toe. Black hair? Check. Black jacket? Check. Striped black and white long sleeve shirt? Check. Black jeans that clung to his body in a way that was almost sinful? Check. Pair of combats? Check. And finally, as he looked back into his face in the mirror; Blank face? Unreadable? Able to smile and pass it off as true? Check, check, and check. Tristan huffed a small bit of air out, slung his bag on and walked out to the bus. The ride to Degrassi was nice and pleasant.

          The bus stopped in front of the school and he filed out. Looking around he spotted Frankie, Winston and Hunter. He walked up to them and posed, making their mouths drop. "Tristan, what did you..?" Winston trailed off, not knowing what else to really say. Tristan did a twirl at the expense of their faces and flashed them a smile.   
          "I did a makeover type thing. It felt right. And boy does it feel good. Let's go in then." Tristan walked ahead into school, heading straight to his locker, knowing the others where quick behind. As he rounded the corner he heard them. _Of fucking course._ He stared straight ahead as he saw them at his locker, giggling at something one of them said. He almost scowled but quickly remembered he was a new just as Zoe latched onto his arm and her gang followed behind her and Hunter and Frankie sped up to get around them to his locker.   
          "Look who brought out their inner goth. Why the look? Not that it doesn't look good because it actually does, just why?" Zoe inquired as Miles and Maya looked up from their conversation and stared at him, their eyes widening. He smiled at them while opening his locker, making sure to pay close attention to Miles's eye as he spoke.   
          "Oh, just needed a change. A real big change. One that I knew wouldn't be a mistake." He added emphasis on the word mistake. Zoe nodded and clicked her tongue, singling her girls to leave with her. As they left the twins were finally visible and Miles began to speak as Tristan filled his hands. Miles put his hand on Tristan's shoulder and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry, Tris. I just-" He began until Tristan cut him off.   
          "It's fine. We all do things a little  _pathetic_  and  _desperate_ at times." He said with a small grin, knowing that they all, besides Maya knew exactly what he was referring to. Maya cleared her throat and debated whether or not to say anything. After all, her and Tristan weren't friends anymore.. But maybe.. She went for it.   
          "Hey, Tris. It looks nice by the way, especially your hair." Tristan shifted the books in his arms and smiled at Maya. Although if he had to admit, it was quite awkward speaking with her after everything. But this is a part of his change. No one can know that inside it feels like razor blades cutting at him continuously.   
          "Oh, thanks. I really enjoyed getting the dye all over my sink though. Hahaha!" Maya gave a laugh with him. Miles grunted and grabbed at Tristan's shoulder again.   
          "Tris, hey.. I'm sorry. And I got something to make it up with you.." He reached in his pocket and took out a box. Obviously a necklace. Tristan just shrugged out his touch, feeling his facade slip. He had to get away. "Uhm.. You aren't giving me things anymore. Yesterday is proof. We aren't like that. Also I can't accept because my hands are full and I gotta get to the library to drop off these books. Bye." He took off down the hall to the library, leaving them in the dust. Miles scoffed and Frankie snapped at him.   
          "That wasn't needed and you know it, Miles. Don't give me that look. What? You'd expect him to just, what was it you said? Come crawling back. Can't say I'm not surprised too much." She finished and walked off. Hunter followed and Winston just shrugged, patting his friends shoulder before leaving him and Maya alone again in stupor. Maya turned to Miles and glared at him. "What was all that about exactly? And yesterday? Did you..break up?" Miles shrugged but he was pretty sure they had broken up when Tristan walked out and he didn't follow but what Tristan did angered him. It still did. "Fuck him, then. Wanna hang out latter?" He asked Maya, not even caring about his own anger towards Tristan. Maya answered with a shy yes and they walked to class, which was shared with Tristan as well.   
*

          They walked in expecting to find him seated next to Winston but he was nowhere. Only his bag was there. As they sat down, they just assumed he was still in the library. Little did they know that he was having a breakdown in the bathroom as the bell rang. Ten minutes passes by and Tristan had calmed down enough. He walked out and stared at himself in the mirror before muttering, "Pathetic," and leaving, his eyes red and obviously puffy. On his way back he was stopped and given a late slip. He groaned and continued on into the class and strode in. He handed the teacher the note and she gave a disapproving sound and told him sharply to sit down. He tried to hide his eyes from them but as he sat down thinking nobody saw, he was sorely mistaken. Winston had seen. He had most definitely seen as if proven by the note that landed on his desk reading, " _You're not okay at all, are you?"_ Tristan almost laughed as he scribbled his answer and handed it back to Winston.   
  
           _"No."_


	2. Old Face and Renewed Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok plz bear with me. this is a few weeks past the fire. i honestly had everything planned while putting up the first chapter and then i became trash and forgot. I started reading (still am tbh i have a lot more to read) a BUNCH of Sterek fanfic, watching fanvids, going into the darkest corners of tumblr for every last thing with sterek etc etc. then came the part where i failed first semester of junior year. yeah. and now im faced with hard decisions about my future and i am honestly so scared and i feel like there is nothing for me. but i want to open a cute cafe/pastry shop because why not so im getting money as fast as i can and im planning on leaving home so who knows maybe things will get better when i move.   
> ENOUGH of me venting on my life. Time for another chapter. Finally! YAS Also Trigger warning just in case. Be careful.

          To say Tristan was worried was an understatement. He was completely freaked out. Hearing about the fire from Maya, who they recently established a friendship given the current situation even though her and Miles were totally not dating and that isn't what completely bothered him. Not really. It was wondering all the time about if Miles feelings were genuine. The fact he couldn't open up to Tristan but could with Maya was a little unnerving. Maya didn't give much information except that she'll explain more at the mall. So here he finds himself in the cafeteria, eyes peeled for a short blonde. Tristan turned to look in the other direction bumping rather hard into someone. As he went to apologize his throat closed up.  _No, hell no. Please._    
 _  
_

"Hey, watch where you're- Oh." Came the reply from none other than a Mr. Grant Yates standing in all his glory before Tristan's very own eyes. Grant shifted to the side and leaned in, eyes squinting. Tristan backed and put his hands against Yates shoulders pushing him back.  
          "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He demanded. Grant only lifted an eyebrow before pulling Tristan's hands off but giving them a squeeze as he let them go. He looked around before answering. "Going shopping. I've had quite some time on my hands nowadays." Tristan could feel the bile rising in his throat at the realization springing to life. Grant still had some level of power of him. It made him feel weak. Used. Again. Was he really all that he was good for? Being used as some toy? Miles said it himself those many weeks ago. Even though he was referring to himself but still.. It hurt. God, he was being ridiculous.   
          "Going shopping, huh? And I'll have you know right now that having all this time for yourself is nobody's fault but your own." Tristan spit vehemently. Grant sighed and tilted his head. "I know. Teacher and student relationships never work well. But I happen to not be a teacher anymore so-" Tristan held up his hand. "No. Don't you dare. You said we could never see each other again. You sped off. I thought we were in love. Do you know how stupid I was?! You used me. I've never felt more disgus- mm!" Lips sealed him. Grant's lips. What the hell is this? Tristan repeated in his head. He couldn't pull away. The addiction to the kiss kept him there as he slowly kissed back. _No. Push away now. This will only get worse. This is wrong. WRONG!_ The voice in his head screamed at him as they kissed. Desperately. There was no heat. No passion. Lust. Only lust. Maybe that's just what he was good for. Lust. Soothing lust. Tristan panted as Yates pulled away, equally gasping for air. Yates glanced around before putting one more kiss upon Tristans lips before leaving. "I'll call you later then." Was all he said as he turned and walked away leaving Tristan feeling needy but equally disgusted with himself. He shook his head, cursing himself for letting that even happen. God, he felt a little like Buffy in season six with her and Spike. Kinda. Because that was seriously fucked up. He turned back to look for Maya. Noticing her waltz in, he made his way over to begin their day.  
**

 

          "Fire was pretty intense. Miles was pretty shaken up for a while about causing it because you know Frankie got trapped. I think he's gonna be okay so." Maya said as they took respective bites from the double sundae they were sharing. Hey, his heart still hurts, he's allowed to indulge himself. Tristan just nodded as he scooped some of the sundae into his mouth. "So, he isn't in trouble?" Tristan asked after swallowing. Maya shook her head as her mouth worked a cherry. "No? At least he's fine then. I guess.." Maya looked down and as her phone buzzed she got up quickly causing Tristan to raise his eyebrows at her curiously. "Uhm, what's going on?" He questioned. Maya looked at him, eyes going wide for a second. "Uhm, I have to use the bathroom. Just stay here okay?" And then she was off. But not in the desired direction to the toilets. He shrugged and took a sip of his drink before feeling a light tap on his shoulder. He turned and looked up into the eyes he sees in his dreams. The eyes that look so broken while trying be so strong. The eyes he wanted to heal. But it was clearly never his place.

          "Hey." Miles spoke after seconds of regarding each other. Tristan breathed deeply, inhaling the faint scent of Miles's cologne. Wow, he missed that.  _No. Don't._ His head began to warn him. "What do you want?" He asked after gaining composure. He knew his tone was cold as ice but it needed to be done. Miles sighed and sat down next to him. His eyes were warm and troubled at the same time. How was that even possible? "Tris, I don't know what to say. I just.. I do feel good around you. And I do want to be with you and-"   
          "Stop. No you don't. You don't want to be with me, considering I'm so  _desperate_ for love. I can just find anything that shows me affection right?" Miles looked taken aback.  _That's right, rich boy._ _I'm not the same._ Tristan thought with icy tones in his head. "Tristan, please. I didn't-" He cut off as Tristan glared at him.   
          "You didn't what, Miles? You didn't mean it? Oh.. Boohoo. You still said it. Miles, I'm in love with idea of love. But with you it was like.. It was something else. So yeah, maybe I was a little desperate. But it wasn't for love. It was for you. Miles I was desperate because I was scared you were slipping away. I didn't want you to. The way you said it to me was like you didn't understand that I cared about you. I tried Miles. And I'm not stupid, I knew something was wrong. But you couldn't tell me. I would've done anything I could to have helped you. But clearly you didn't want my help. You went to someone else. I just-." Tristan stopped, pushed away from the table, stood up and began to walk away until Miles caught his wrist. "Tristan. Don't go. We can talk." Miles begged. Tristan ripped his arm from Miles's grasp. "No. We can't talk Miles."   
          "Why not?"  
          "Because it hurts too much to love someone even after they hurt you." And with that Tristan walked away towards where Maya went earlier to go pee. He looked around the corner and there she was. "You knew. You two planned this didn't you? What part of 'Hey, Maya wanna go on a mall spree, just us' didn't you understand?" Maya stood stock still. "Tris.. I'm sorry I just.." She sighed.   
          "Forget it. Let's hang another time. And just the two of us. I have somewhere I need to be." Tristan turned on his heel and whipped out his phone dialing the one persons number he most definitely shouldn't be dialing.  
**

 

 

          "More..Grant.. More." Was all Tristan could say as Yates rocked into him. No passion. Just lust. A need to burn. Grant rocked his hips in expert manner, whispering endearments into Tristan's ear as he licked the shell. Tristan put his hands on either sides of Grant's face and kissed him as the both came.   
**

 

          Later in the night as Grant dropped him off at his house, Tristan barely made it to his room. Parents still not here. Just fucked the man who used him. Just fucked illegally. He was dirty. He felt tainted. Tristan ran into the bathroom feeling the first wave of nausea hit him. After emptying his stomachs contents he ran the shower. He was going to take a long scalding shower to wash himself clean. He couldn't do that ever again with Yates. If only it had been that easy to actually perform than say in his head as he later found out down the line.   
          "I'm fucked." Tristan sobbed to himself in the shower. Scrubbing himself raw. A need to be clean and fresh again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow..so like this wasn't supposed to like get as far as i made it. and it was kinda hard for me to write..   
> come tumblr with me @hold-your-hippogriffs  
> (now im off to read more sterek.)

**Author's Note:**

> song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbgYTIUt_b0  
> blog: hold-your-hippogriffs.tumblr.com  
> comments keep you cute ;3


End file.
